In some cases, of course, the marriage won’t have been a happy one, which gives the surviving spouse a whole other set of issues to work through, which may make their recovery shorter or longer, depending on the circumstances.If you’ve ever lost someone you love, you’ll know that grief is a gruelling journey that often involves two steps forward and one step back.Getting Through Grief and Moving On Ben Brewer, Psy D, a psychotherapist in Denver who specializes in grief and loss, says there is no universal answer to the question, When is the “right” time to begin a new relationship after the death of a partner?“Every person experiences a unique grief process,” he says, and the grieving process is influenced by many factors, including: When Friends and Family React to Your Dating You might feel that it’s time for you to find a new partner, but you’re worried about what friends and family will think.Brewer says that you need to be aware of the intense feelings your children could have as you start to date.Talk with them and understand their feelings first.’ Once, when I was bemoaning my single status, someone tried to reassure me that ‘the widowers are now starting to come back on the market’. However, as we get older, people increasingly find themselves single again after the death of a spouse – and, in fact, I ended up dating a lovely man who’d lost his wife to breast cancer four years earlier. It’s dangerous to start making rules about when a widow or widower will be ready for a new relationship, as every situation is unique.
Plus you know they’re capable of sustaining a committed relationship.This often leads to a reemergence of grief after a new relationship has been established.Grief therapy can be effective in getting the grief process moving if you're having difficulty tolerating the strong emotions surrounding it, says Brewer.If I’d met my widower within a year or two of him losing his wife, I think I’d have concentrated on developing a friendship with him, and would have been very cautious of anything more until I felt confident he was ready.
In fact, he did start dating someone just three months after his wife died.The relationship only compounded his depression and confusion, and he now sees it as an act of desperation and loneliness.